Just call me butterlegs.
I just had a really gross thing happen to me. So of course, I had to share it with all of you.
I keep a loaf of bread and some margarine in my office, in case I skip breakfast, or I get hungry in the afternoons or something. This morning, I started working at 8:00, (check me out!!) so I didn't have time for breakfast before I left. So when I get to work, I'm hungry, and I take out the trusty bread and margarine. I'm doing a thousand things at once...hunting for a knife, checking my email, listening to my office voicemail, texting on my phone, flipping through my planner... and all of a sudden, there's butter all over me.
All.
Over.
Me.
The liquidy chunky texture that only completely melted man-made chemicals can be, is now all over my skirt. There's an overwhelming smell, and I can certainly believe it's not butter.
I deal with this event very rationally of course. I start screeching, and freeze, just staring at my grease-covered lap. Butter is dripping everywhere. It's all over my skirt, legs, and shoes. My skirt is actually now acting as a filter, so the chunks are staying, but everything else is filtering through the material.
I stand up, yanking my skirt together to try and minimize the surface area of grease, and the janitor walks in. I'm partially flashing him at this point. He just stares at me as I run by him muttering "Butter...have to wash it off..." I'm leaving a trail behind me that Hansel and Gretal would be proud of.
After scrubbing my skirt in the sink with hand soap and paper towels, I washed the lower half of my body, and my shoes. I came back into my office wearing a soaking wet skirt, and I'm glistening because I still have a fine sheen to me. Ralph, the janitor (who is extremely skeptical of me normally) is still standing in the same spot he was when I rushed out of my office. He just looks at me warily out of the corner of his eye, and says, "Is everything ok? I heard you scream when I walked in..." I assured him that I was fine, and that I had in fact just completely doused myself with margarine. He just nods, like this is a normal occurrence, and leaves as quickly as humanly possible. Who can blame him?
It turns out that my work fridge somehow got unplugged several days ago, and the butter had melted. As I was distracted, I didn't notice that the tub felt differently.
What a slippery debacle!
~Molly
I keep a loaf of bread and some margarine in my office, in case I skip breakfast, or I get hungry in the afternoons or something. This morning, I started working at 8:00, (check me out!!) so I didn't have time for breakfast before I left. So when I get to work, I'm hungry, and I take out the trusty bread and margarine. I'm doing a thousand things at once...hunting for a knife, checking my email, listening to my office voicemail, texting on my phone, flipping through my planner... and all of a sudden, there's butter all over me.
All.
Over.
Me.
The liquidy chunky texture that only completely melted man-made chemicals can be, is now all over my skirt. There's an overwhelming smell, and I can certainly believe it's not butter.
I deal with this event very rationally of course. I start screeching, and freeze, just staring at my grease-covered lap. Butter is dripping everywhere. It's all over my skirt, legs, and shoes. My skirt is actually now acting as a filter, so the chunks are staying, but everything else is filtering through the material.
I stand up, yanking my skirt together to try and minimize the surface area of grease, and the janitor walks in. I'm partially flashing him at this point. He just stares at me as I run by him muttering "Butter...have to wash it off..." I'm leaving a trail behind me that Hansel and Gretal would be proud of.
After scrubbing my skirt in the sink with hand soap and paper towels, I washed the lower half of my body, and my shoes. I came back into my office wearing a soaking wet skirt, and I'm glistening because I still have a fine sheen to me. Ralph, the janitor (who is extremely skeptical of me normally) is still standing in the same spot he was when I rushed out of my office. He just looks at me warily out of the corner of his eye, and says, "Is everything ok? I heard you scream when I walked in..." I assured him that I was fine, and that I had in fact just completely doused myself with margarine. He just nods, like this is a normal occurrence, and leaves as quickly as humanly possible. Who can blame him?
It turns out that my work fridge somehow got unplugged several days ago, and the butter had melted. As I was distracted, I didn't notice that the tub felt differently.
What a slippery debacle!
~Molly
Labels: butter
posted by Greta at 11:31 AM
1 Comments:
Margarine is evil. Butter is awesome. Perhaps now you'll learn your lesson.
;)
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