Rededicate

So, I definitely had forgotten that I had this blog set up. But, I am very excited to rediscover it! Although my last entries were a year ago, I believe I can salvage this and rededicate myself to writing more regularly. I don't know how I'm going to write the next great American novel if I can't even write in a darn blog for more than a couple of days!

It is probably the lack of self discipline that I possess. I find it hard to be motivated when I'm not challenged. This is happening at work more and more often lately. I get done what I need to get done, work ahead some, and then....Nothing. I have even spent time doing things that are above the call of duty (i.e. - driving to Carlisle on my own time to feel fish for a client in rehab).

So, lets see. Let me give a quick update I suppose...I'm 22, its November of 2006. I studied abroad in England last Feb-June. I'm technically not graduated yet, because of my pesky Statistics class, but I'm working full time for the Community Action Commission as a Family Self Sufficiency Case Manager(same as I did for my internship, if you remember). Currently living with Hierald, my best friend and his brother Josh in a house right across the street from Messiah. Hierald's engaged to Kristen, and she is there most of the time too. The house is lovely, and I have my own floor, with two bedrooms and bathroom, which rocks. I'm mainly working on paying off my bills from abroad so that I can purchase a new car, and pay off some student loans. Also, I will be wanting to get an apartment around summertime.

Emotionally, I have been doing well. Travel was so good for me...I really think I developed in a lot of ways. I thought I knew what "independence" was, and I'm sure I do now. Being self-sufficient, completely cut off from anyone I knew for 5 months was an amazing experience. I know myself so much better. I have different hopes, dreams, expectations for myself now. I realize how important it is to truly follow my heart, without always letting my head talk me out of it. I learned how to let spontaneity take the place of responsibility occasionally.

All of these self-awarenesses really helped me to understand why I have always been where I am when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. I never really knew what I wanted...So how am I supposed to find someone who fit these imaginary standards? Several months after I came home from my travels, I realized that it was time. I was ready to try and have a relationship. So, with my new senses of self-confidence, independence, self-awareness, and "worldliness", if you will - I joined an online dating site. Now, let's recap the fact that I....Don't....Date. Not because I don't like guys, because I just seem to have a problem finding the ones that like me too, and that fit the parameters of what I need. The first boy I even was interested in was freshman year at college, and we remain best friends. The first boy I really dated was a long-distance/online relationship. The third boy I dated was after returning from England, and joining this online site...

www.plentyoffish.com - gotta give it a plug. I have talked to many different types of people, and have learned a lot about "dating in the real world". Now, this is very different from "dating according to Messiah", and I have to explain that, because it is very significant. At Messiah, when you date someone it is automatically assumed that you're exclusive. No casual dating allowed. You will not be physically intimate. God doesn't like that. You are required to go everywhere together, and make sure that everyone knows that you are a couple. Now, this is what I had been around for the last 4 years. My friends mostly found boyfriends and girlfriends at college, which is a very casual way to date. You hang out with a group of friends, eventually manage to talk individually with the object of interest, and discover you like each other. No "classic dating ritual" involved really.

So, here I am...22, and never really had a normal relationship. Obviously inexperienced with the physical as well as emotional elements. Still am.
I do have a bit of a romance rant, mostly aimed at women. Here goes.

Women have this annoying idea that the "perfect" relationship is going to be easy. Now, when I say "perfect", I mean perfect for them, everyone knows there is no perfect relationship, as there are no perfect people. But, where did we get the idea that we're going to bump into Mr. Right in the produce isle, cluelessly trying to choose the ripest cantaloupe? Why do we think that Prince Charming will fall from the sky directly in front of our door? I honestly think media has a lot to do with these false views of relationships - movies like Serendipity and The Wedding Planner. I promise you...Only VERY rarely will you be saved by a dashing engaged pediatrician, and then manage to steal his heart, plan his wedding to another women anyway, and still get him in the end. My point is this. Women have to work incredibly hard in this world for schooling, equal rights, job or educational success, promotions, etc. Why do we have this fundamental idea that we DON'T have to work to find the right person to spend our lives with? That "it has to be easy to be meant to be." I just think that is such flawed logic. Humans are relational beings, and need the company of others. Why shouldn't we have to put effort into finding that special person?

Ok. I think this is enough for now. God, I missed writing...